Catastrophizing Sucks

Originally posted on Musings of an Aspie:

Catastrophizing is one of those autistic traits that when I first read about it, I thought, “Oh, I never do that.”

How wrong I was.

I catastrophize daily. It’s usually small stuff that blows over quickly–I’m not going to get to the post office before it closes which means I won’t get my important overnight package and I’ll have to go back tomorrow and everything will be delayed and I should have left home sooner and why did I take a right out of the parking garage instead of a left because taking a right always means waiting in more traffic even though it’s more direct well obviously it’s because I’m stupid and don’t think things through so it’s my fault if I get there too late but maybe I’ll be able to beg one of the workers who’s closing up to get my package because that worked once before…

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What My Bike Has Taught Me About White Privilege

TSE:

Understanding White Priviledge: Being black is just like riding a bike? Well not really, but it’s a good analogy.

Originally posted on A Little More Sauce:

The phrase “white privilege” is one that rubs a lot of white people the wrong way. It can trigger something in them that shuts down conversation or at least makes them very defensive. (Especially those who grew up relatively less privileged than other folks around them). And I’ve seen more than once where this happens and the next move in the conversation is for the person who brought up white privilege to say, “The reason you’re getting defensive is because you’re feeling the discomfort of having your privilege exposed.”

I’m sure that’s true sometimes. And I’m sure there are a lot of people, white and otherwise, who can attest to a kind of a-ha moment or paradigm shift where they “got” what privilege means and they did realize they had been getting defensive because they were uncomfortable at having their privilege exposed. But I would guess that more often than…

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Who Can I Relate To On TV?

Well there’s not any characters I identify with who look like me (my sister says it’s Huey on Boondocks, but that’s a cartoon). Let’s just say I’d like to make all business associates, family members and every potential suitor sit through marathons of Bones, Criminal Minds and Big Bang Theory… With the following instructions:

Please write a one page summary of each of my three favorite characters. Explain what you do and don’t like about each one and if you think you could work well with them. What is special about them and what is annoying? Why? How would you handle each scenario you find annoying? What would you add to or do to help enrich their lives, make them feel comfortable and help them succeed?

This would be a fun exercise… But in reality, these characteristics look very different on a black female and are not at all received well by black men (not that I limit myself, I think all peoples are beautiful, but that is my culture and experience). I might be in trouble with some folks merely for having the audacity to say I identify only with three white characters who hold multiple PhD’s. But they may not know, I will have my first one soon and I’ve always lived in diverse areas (and by diverse I mean I was often the only Afro-American).

This is where our similarities split; the upbringing of a brown skinned female with these traits is not one that people celebrate, encourage or ever think will amount to anything. No one tested me for genius and I only found out that I am high on the spectrum for Apergers at the age of 42. I’ve been to 6 colleges and every one led to financial troubles, including the one I attended while working full time as a Bank Manager, and graduated from, Magna Cume Laude.

Now that I have been officially diagnosed (I’ve known since I knew what Asperger was), I function even better… But the hard times, bullying, criticism, and lack of understanding hurts worse. I never expected anyone to care before. Now it’s like there’s some false sense of special needs consideration, which really only applies to people who are disfigured or visibly disabled, that everyone says exists but really doesn’t… Unless you want to walk around looking pitiful and reminding people evrytime they trample all over your personal space, quiet time, privacy and even basic human rights.

How do you feel about these characters? Would you see Bones the same if she wasn’t white? Would Sheldon be as popular if he were female. Would Reid be as adorable if he were a brown skinned woman with untamed, natural, curly hair?

If these folks weren’t PhD’s do you think they would be able to get hired and maintain a career? Would they function well in corporate 9-5, manual labor, in a box, not using their gifts or just taking orders?

Next time you have a conflict with someone who reminds you of one of these characters, consider how high their IQ is, how hard they are trying to make you feel comfortable and that they really can’t help your perceived lack of social etiquette.

[Character Info from Wikipedia.com]

Dr. Temperance Brennan

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Throughout the course of the series, Brennan is portrayed as a straightforward, brilliant anthropologist, who lacks social skills. Her social ineptitude is especially apparent when it comes to sarcasm, metaphors which she often interprets literally, and pop culture jokes and is often the source of comedy in the show. An example of this is when she mistakes Colin Farrell for Will Ferrell.

Dr. Spencer Reid

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As is characteristic of people with Asperger’s Syndrome, Reid is socially awkward. He often fixates on things (prompting Morgan and other team members to have to tell him to be quiet), and misses social cues at times (for example, unknowingly changing the subject of a conversation). The Unknown Subject (“UnSub”) in “Broken Mirror” noted this, and Gubler stated in an interview in the show’s second season “[Reid]‘s an eccentric genius, with hints of schizophrenia and minor autism, Asperger’s Syndrome. Reid is 30 years old with three Ph.D.s and one can not usually achieve that without some form of autism.” Writer Sharon Lee Watson stated in a twitter chat Reid’s Asperger traits makes the character more lovable.

Dr. Sheldon Cooper

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Sheldon is a theoretical physicist at Caltech who shares an apartment with his colleague and best friend, Leonard Hofstadter (Johnny Galecki). He is a former child prodigy with genius level IQ, but displays an almost total lack of social skills, a tenuous understanding of humor, and difficulty recognizing irony and sarcasm in other people, although he himself often employs them. He exhibits highly idiosyncratic and narcissistic behavior and a general lack of humility or empathy. These characteristics provide the majority of the humor involving him, which has caused him to be described as the show’s breakout character.Despite speculation that Sheldon’s personality traits may be consistent with Asperger syndrome, obsessive–compulsive personality disorder and asexuality, co-creator Bill Prady has repeatedly stated that Sheldon’s character was neither conceived nor developed with regard to any of these traits.

Huey Freeman
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The Revolution of the Data Slaves

TSE:

#TakeBackControl #RespectNetwork be informed.

Originally posted on Petervan:

Revolution Data Slaves

Some years ago, when Facebook “only” had 356M users, I remember Marc Zuckerberg saying:

“… changing the privacy options of 356M users overnight, that’s not something everybody would do. Well, we decided to do it, and to decide what are the social norms.”

But who decides those social norms?

In my opinion it’s not normal or desirable that we leave those decisions to powerhouses with commercial interests like Facebook, Google, or any other “siren servers” like your health insurance company, your bank, your retailer, or even your government. These norms should be given back to the commons, with equal rights, obligation and benefits for all parties in the data-ecosystem, from providers of services and products, to data-intermediaries, and including the end-users.

Armitage_Siren

“Siren servers” was a term coined by Jaron Lanier in his seminal book “Who owns the Future?” It reminded me of the master-slave relationship spelled out by Doc Searls…

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Getting Your Nonprofit Act Together …

TSE:

People support causes, not institutions… great blog!

Originally posted on THE STRATEGIC LEARNER:

“People support causes, and not institutions.” …

Cause Manifesto Poster 400px overlay

Some of you already know of my background in both professional and volunteer non-profit environments in social services, higher education, and healthcare.  I guess you could call me a “Do Gooder“, who has experienced first-hand the need to bring more to the game than just a desire to do good work to succeed.

So you’ll understand why I am very excited about Brian Sooy’s new and extremely valuable book “Raise Your Voice”: A Cause Manifesto”.  At first, I thought that this would be another fairly short, enjoyable book to read in a few nights. 

A week later, I am still digesting all the important and useful information in this little title.

“We’re informed by what speaks to our minds and thoughts; we’re inspired by what appeal to our hearts.”

Brian is speaking to both my brain and my heart …

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Haters Are People Too

Having a thick skin can get you only so far. The next step up is living in the experience. Only then can you learn, grow and help others. So are you ready to love your enemies? No, I mean really love them… Let’s start with the easy ones. People you have no real beef with, we call those haters right? The folks who give you the cold shoulder, talk about you or intentionaly create obsacles even though you have no idea why.

News flash: haters are good for the ego, but that does not apply if you hate back. Hate in and of itself comes from fear and how can fear be good for your ego?

Think about it… There is no valid reason for a person to decide they don’t like you because of your style, personality, physical appearance, the way you talk, or who you slept with last night, etc. As a matter of fact, if people you’ve never harmed decide they don’t like you, it’s actually quite the compliment. Think about it, how many times do you just decide from hearing a person speak, seeing their writings or looking at them that you just don’t like them or are going to set out to stop them (from whatever). The answer is probably rarely or never. Offensive remarks and behavior are sometimes a reason depending on your level of sensitivity, and morality (not ethics) but most of us get passed the initial offense even to the point of concern and/or curiosity.

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Need help walking in love?


Feelings of hate have to derive from a place of strong energy. Hate just like love is an action; an active emotion that causes behavioral changes. There is a focus and drive to the anger, otherwise it would not last. Often times even the feelings of dislike towards those who have offended you don’t last long, unless you’re one who holds a grudge (check yourself, but that’s a different blog); most times forgetting what the conflict was about.

So it only stands to reason, that when someone has very strong feelings towards you that are negative without provocation, they must come from a place of fear. People who like being in control are threatened when the control is at risk. This is true even if you’re not a hater. Those of us who know this make efforts to maintain faith and positivity so we have no bondage to threats, perceived or real. If you are not afraid of the one threatening you then you are less likely to be angry towards or hate the person.

Why should you care? Because you can’t be an effective leader, change agent, social entrepreneur, motivator, minister, teacher, coach, etc. if you draw the line at insecure people who have so little faith that they fear you. Those are the ones we should be chasing down and targeting… Not just the easy marks.

That’s Living Sugar Free!

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Lead Follow or Get Out of The Way | Living Sugar Free

Yep, I said it, and before you say Amen, I’m probably talking to you too…

Stereotypes about women, lies about history and biology, blatant porn, jokes on nationalities, racial remarks about the POTUS or anyone, oh and passive aggressive folks who get an attitude and say all manner of nastiness when anyone has the audacity to point it out… Or worse you got an attitude and said outloud you don’t see why we need Black History Month. As long as you don’t say the n word you’re good right? Wrong!!!
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Somedia is out of control, but who’s leading the way?????

If you really want to make a difference, click the link and keep reading…

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