People pleaser’s, victims, and door mats, we’ve all been there. We’ve all felt at one time or another under appreciated or over worked. Well guess what. You have the power to control when you are over worked. By making decisions based on your ability and schedule rather than obligation and guilt you can control your time and emotions. When you evaluate the requests of others and determine if they are in line with your vision, or if they are simply an opportunity to pay it forward then you don’t have to look back and regret your decision because no matter how it turns out it was the right decision based on what you believe is right.
Now this is not going to make you very popular. People will place responsibility, guilt and blame on your shoulders for their short comings, lack of planning and lack of research. But you must stand fast and recognize the subtle tricks that your friends, family and believe it or not even complete strangers will implement to get their way. You can not decide which people will have the right motives and intentions or who will be good stewards of your time and resources. You can choose to invest where it make sense to you based on common sense, research and management of your own time and resources. Then you can take your loses as they come because you know you will learn from the experience or that it was for a worthy cause.
Exercising “The Power of No” gives you more energy and resources for when it is time to say yes. Playing the hero in someone else’s lane and putting out fires before arsonists smell smoke is not really being a hero. We must allow those around us to learn that when they don’t plan, communicate and execute well they may not come out with the results they expect. I prefer to jump through hoops and save the day for people who are doing everything they can to help themselves and others but just need an extra hand. Even then, maybe it’s someone else’s turn to save the day. If I move too quick, I hinder others from stepping up to the leadership that is within them.
If you are stingy, self centered, don’t like to pay it forward, or never go out of your way for others, please disregard this entire blog. If you are afraid of losing what you have or letting someone else get ahead of you, or if you do things for others only to hold it over their heads, I’m not talking to you. That’s a different blog, until then give all you can and try not to ever say no.