Haters Are People Too

Having a thick skin can get you only so far. The next step up is living in the experience. Only then can you learn, grow and help others. So are you ready to love your enemies? No, I mean really love them… Let’s start with the easy ones. People you have no real beef with, we call those haters right? The folks who give you the cold shoulder, talk about you or intentionaly create obsacles even though you have no idea why.

News flash: haters are good for the ego, but that does not apply if you hate back. Hate in and of itself comes from fear and how can fear be good for your ego?

Think about it… There is no valid reason for a person to decide they don’t like you because of your style, personality, physical appearance, the way you talk, or who you slept with last night, etc. As a matter of fact, if people you’ve never harmed decide they don’t like you, it’s actually quite the compliment. Think about it, how many times do you just decide from hearing a person speak, seeing their writings or looking at them that you just don’t like them or are going to set out to stop them (from whatever). The answer is probably rarely or never. Offensive remarks and behavior are sometimes a reason depending on your level of sensitivity, and morality (not ethics) but most of us get passed the initial offense even to the point of concern and/or curiosity.

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Need help walking in love?


Feelings of hate have to derive from a place of strong energy. Hate just like love is an action; an active emotion that causes behavioral changes. There is a focus and drive to the anger, otherwise it would not last. Often times even the feelings of dislike towards those who have offended you don’t last long, unless you’re one who holds a grudge (check yourself, but that’s a different blog); most times forgetting what the conflict was about.

So it only stands to reason, that when someone has very strong feelings towards you that are negative without provocation, they must come from a place of fear. People who like being in control are threatened when the control is at risk. This is true even if you’re not a hater. Those of us who know this make efforts to maintain faith and positivity so we have no bondage to threats, perceived or real. If you are not afraid of the one threatening you then you are less likely to be angry towards or hate the person.

Why should you care? Because you can’t be an effective leader, change agent, social entrepreneur, motivator, minister, teacher, coach, etc. if you draw the line at insecure people who have so little faith that they fear you. Those are the ones we should be chasing down and targeting… Not just the easy marks.

That’s Living Sugar Free!

Let’s discuss it… http://xeeme.com/AndréaRaquel

S.H.E. Opportunity Killers

Oh you like that title, huh? Yes, I know I’m clever 😉 Spite, Hate and Envy are terrible joy stealers, relationship destroyers, and opportunity killers.

I’m a psychology researcher, coach, mentor and advisor…  unintentional kindling the hate fire is what I do, it is my weirdness. I call it hater aiding 😀 But there’s a fine line. When you say something profound, do something really great or really smart or accomplish something and then you celebrate really big and care about the fact that it makes the people who are jealous more frustrated. That’s pretty much the same thing as “watching them squirm” and shouldn’t really be motivation; but hey I understand that we’re human. I’m not saying what anyone should or shouldn’t do; I’m just offering a perspective that may help with easing some of that frustration.
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Have you ever become friends with your neighborhood bully, the boss nobody liked or someone that was hating on you? It’s an interesting test of patience, forgiveness and leadership. How much more to serve them? I do it everyday. The key for me is remembering my why. The Bible says if I do it for them I have my reward, that’s whether I’m getting accolades or hate. I have been delivered from the opinions of people, truly. That is why I can laugh at it, discuss it and yes help others overcome. We throw around “to each his own” but what about live and let live?… even for the hater. I can’t stress the importance of being open to discussion, and not being quick to ignore people who are in your network. Now saying you aren’t going to associate with someone because they did something is not the same as saying you are going to ignore them because of their personality or feelings towards you. I don’t have to be around you, but if I’m going to be around you I can’t ignore you because that would be rude on my part and who’s to say you deserve that.

Anybody know what the Socratic Method is??? If I tell you what I want you to think, I’m being controlling. If I ask you a series of questions to make you reveal to yourself that what you are saying is not logical, than you gained the information on your own. I find it to be quite helpful when dealing with haters, and other folks who are not on the same page. “Haters” we toss that term around a lot, and I’m a jokester so I make light of serious social issues. But ultimately all humans have the capacity for jealousy, envy and spite. Most do it more often when no one is looking. The problem with social media is that often people forget that someone is always looking. So even ignoring someone is an action. Life is 20% what happens to me and 80% how I respond to it. How I respond to the hater is always going to be bigger than how I perceive the hater treated me. So why ignore them and why not just choose your network and online and off more wisely. Therefore you don’t have people in your circles that are blatantly prejudice,  mean, derailing, selfish and sabotaging… these are action words whereas hatred, jealousy, and envy are feeling words and subject to opinion. That is what we all agree haters are, right? Everyone that I might think is hating on me, is not necessarily. Sometimes they just have hang ups. The point is, who am I to be rude, disrespectful or less than myself to the hater. I never know why God may have brought me into their life.

#TXNL is a pretty big online network, even if you only count active fans and subscribers… I only have 400 FB friends and the majority is family, classmates, and coworkers from past jobs. I literally know almost everyone in person or via phone. It allows me to be accessible to my entire network on a schedule and limited to our online spaces. I can share content when I want and support members when I have time. I’m very good at managing my time and resources.

You’d be surprised at some of the online secrets I’ve learned. For example, I use to create Facebook groups from my fan page and then add the friends from my friend wall. That allows me to post as my page and so people notice my page more from the large groups we have. Well before lots of folks could catch on to that trick, Facebook shut it down. I think maybe it was a glitch. They will probably offer it as a paid service to pages. LOL!!!

Anywho. My point is that, y’all don’t have to like me, I love you. If you disrespect me with your actions I will let you know because maybe you are unaware, uneducated, unskilled, uncivilized and etc. That’s what leaders do, and I come from a good stock, breeding and training of great leaders so it’s ingrained in me to teach. The teacher, leader, actress, singer, speaker, comedian, preacher, remember I’m the coaches coach, doesn’t have time to be mad about their haters. But intentionally setting out to be rude? I may have deleted someone from my FB friend list. But if they follow me on Twitter I will follow back and if they tweet me I will say thank you. Doesn’t mean I’m hanging out with them for dinner. But guess what if they ask me, I will have to consider. As long as they don’t mind my sugar free way of letting them know they are being disrespectful. I’m perfectly okay with giving them the benefit of the doubt that they were not hating.

If you choose to ignore good sense, via any social platform I will unfollow and disengage because I don’t endorse foolishness. Oh, I’ve seen it all, the motivational speaker who was nasty and insulting to me, the coach who only wanted to take everyone’s money, the person who was trying to push their agenda, the con artist, etc. If I know you I will not publicly ignore you, heckle you, or try to embarrass you, like I don’t know you just because I think you are a hater, or rude or weird… that could go for any of us based on a judgement call.

Like I said, live and let live… may God use me to bless my haters too.

Humility is not driven by human opinion

#LivingSugarFree
Lesson in love, peace and the Law of Attraction.

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It goes both ways. When you step to someone because they have an opinion about something and tell them to live and let live… it is you who needs the lesson most.

In case you don’t know me, haven’t been paying attention or are just clueless; let me spell it out for you. If you didn’t notice before now… I am true to myself, my brand and my beliefs (not anyone else’s).

Soooo… don’t get too worked up, preachy or judgemental about anything I say.
A. I don’t care what you think about me.
B. I am consistently teaching in my lane.
C. Apparently I’m a jokster and everything I say has a comedic edge (I don’t try, didn’t plan it, it just is).

If you take the way I say something negatively, you probably should just decide not to listen rather than trying to coach me on how to be more like you. I’m only going to laugh you out. I probably don’t like you anyway and am certainly not trying to be like anyone else.

For the haters, before you even ask: Yes it’s Sunday. Yes I love the Lord. Yes I’m grateful and humble. No I’m not mad at you.

There it is.

Let’s discuss it… http://xeeme.com/AndréaRaquel